Dearest __

It's so over.. I'm still dazed by the events that took place yesterday and I still held on to the belief that everything was just a joke.. but it's not.. it's real, and nothing will ever change that fact. Why did it happen so suddenly? Do you even realise u're throwing away our 5 year relationship just like that?

U said i was insensitive.. sure i was.. i admitted that.. i apologised repeatedly. I'm not sure whether you accepted my apologies, but it was sincere. You told other ppl that i was insensitive.. I'm alright w that.. it was the truth, it was necessary to get it out of your heart. How about times when u yrself were insensitive? There were days where i hoped that you would initiate a conversation w me on msn.. days where i hoped that you would initiate to start a webcam.. I had no one to complain to.. or rather.. i din want to complain to them because i thot we should trust each other. Maybe you're busy, studying hard, cooking, watching tv whatever..

Anticipating to meet you has been killing me for the last few months. After crying a few days after you left for australia every sem., i told myself life goes on, and in my heart there's a hope telling me that i can meet you in just another 3 months. And just next week, after anticipating for 3months, i could already meet you.. but your heart already belongs to someone else.

So for the last few days when you were cracking jokes.. it was all a pretense.. you were a really good actor you know.. great for acting the role of a jerk, or a bastard, or a fucker.. whatever.. u hoped we could still be friends? well.. u're welcome to kiss my arse.

And you know what? I won't allow myself to be sad over you.. because you're so not worth it.. oh, and i sincerely wish you will win over the heart of that unlucky girl.. seriously.. No, i'm not being sarcastic or anything.. i really hope you both can get into a relationship..

Thank goodness you told me b4 i was going into australia.. i can't imagine being stuck w a jerk for 1 entire month sleeping next to you.. you'll see.. I'm going to start life all anew and emerge as a stronger girl than i ever will be.. and you can just go fuck off

PS. I love my family and i love all my friends.. thanks for standing by me when i'm at my lowest and making me feel that my life shouldn't just revolve around him.